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“Our Father who art in Heaven,
hollowed be Thy name, Thy
Kingdom come Thy will be done on
Earth as it is in Heaven, give
us this day our daily bread and
forgive us our trespasses as we
forgive those who trespass
against us, and lead us not into
temptation but deliver us from
evil.” I prayed before I slept.
I was about 13 then. My friends
and I thought it was the coolest
thing in the World to be
Christians. We all went to
church together on Sundays and
Youth on Wednesday at the
Baptist Church that is now known
as “Gateway Church” on Tulare
St. and Conyer. We were all die
hard Christian punks. We went to
shows that had Christian bands
playing and listened to Foot
Klan and Living Sacrifice.
“Dead to the World, and alive in
Christ!!” we would shout as the
band got ready to play their
next song.
About a year went by like this.
My friends even took me to the
Vans Warped Tour in 2002. I was
14 when I began thinking to
myself, “Religion shouldn’t be a
fad. Come to think of it, I only
believe this because my friends
do.”
I immediately went to my Youth
Pastor. I told him how I felt
and what my questions were. He
gave me little “workbooks” that
were supposed to help guide me
on my path. My questions were
serious; not just silly
questions kids think of. Mine
were like—why does God have a
son? How can God and his son be
one including the Holy Spirit?
What is the Holy Spirit? Since
God and Jesus are one, and Jesus
died on the cross… Did God die
then too?—some answers he did
have, but others he just said to
me, “It takes faith.”
“Faith,” I thought to myself.
“Faith? He is telling me I need
to have faith to know that the
basis of my religion is real and
true?”
Later I went to a priest and
asked him the same questions. I
got the same answers. I went to
the pastor at Grace Lutheran
Church and asked him the same
questions. Again, I got the same
answers. I went home to think
and gather my thoughts together.
“Judaism!!” I thought.
It’s like the backbone of
Christianity. “If Christians
weren’t right then Jews have to
be!” I thought.
I started reading online about
Jewish beliefs, culture, and
tradition. I fell in love. I
downloaded Jewish songs and
bought movies by Jewish
producers and writers. I wept
and wept watching Schindler’s
List and The Pianist. I felt
betrayed by my own countrymen.
(I’m German) I felt angry
towards Palestinians and love
for Israel and its people. I
went to the Synagogue, Temple
B’nai David, every Friday on
Chinowth and Tulare. I tried
teaching myself Hebrew. I found
out that Reformed Jews allow
women to wear yarmulkes. So, I
immediately went and bought one.
I wore it with pride in the
Temple, I wore it to school, and
downtown with my friends. Now I
was a Jewish punk. I wanted to
start a band named “The Mad
Rabbis”. I wanted to be a Rabbi.
Time went on and I turned 15.
Despite the passion I had for
this beautiful religion, I saw
the huge hole it had in it. I
felt there was something
missing. There was no Jesus. I
completely tried to forget about
him. As much as I tried, I just
couldn’t. So, I thought to
myself, “Judaism can’t be it. As
much as I want it to be, it just
can’t. I can’t believe in
something knowing there is a
void.”
At that time I just felt
completely lost. I didn’t know
what to do. I gave up. My
friends started to go astray
from their religion also. But
the path they took was the rough
one. Smoking, drinking, and
partying were their way of
release from what they felt. And
unfortunately I began to hang
out with them more. So, I picked
up the habit of smoking. I drank
once, but I got so sick that I
never did it again. And just the
thought of alcohol still makes
me nauseous. I eventually got
back into my search for myself
after a few months. I remembered
this one religion I heard
of—Islam. And that’s pretty much
all I knew about it. That it was
called Islam and that it’s an
Arab religion. I decided to read
about it. I bought a couple of
books, but I mostly went to
Islamic websites like
http://www.islamonline.net.
I studied this new, foreign, and
misunderstood religion not
knowing that it would change my
life forever.
“What was this? That’s how you
pray? There is no God but God?
Fasting? Charity? Pilgrimage to
Mecca? Mecca?” I read on and on.
I learned that the people on
9/11 who called themselves
Muslims were going against what
their religion taught them. I
found a verse in the Qur’an that
says if you take one life it's
like taking the lives of all
humanity, and if you save one
life it's like saving all of
humanity. I read that women had
the right to education, divorce,
owning homes, driving, etc. They
have every right as any woman
living in America. I found out
that culture and religion differ
a lot. I began to pray as best
as I could. I memorized all the
Arabic and all the movements. I
gained respect for my parents. I
stopped smoking. I fasted my
first Ramadan last year in 2004
as a Muslim. I learned that as a
Muslim, I should be humble and
not argumentative. I read that I
should respect my elders and
respect myself. I started
wearing my hijab at the
beginning of this semester. I
wear it because I believe my
body is my own business. Just
because I cover my hair doesn’t
mean I am less of a woman, but
in fact, it makes me more of a
woman. People may look at me and
think “terrorist”, but I’d
rather let them think of me like
that when I know I am no where
close to anyone. Or, if I’m not
wearing my hijab, people could
look at me like any other girl
and if they like what they see
on my body then they’ll talk to
me. I chose respect. I learned
also that Muslims believe that
Jesus (Son of the Virgin Mary)
was a Prophet and Mohammed was
the last Prophet. I learned they
accept the Bible and Torah and
the Qur’an all as Holy Books. I
began to look at the fighting
between Palestine and Israel
with disgust. I didn’t
understand how people could have
so much hate for each other. I
gained so much knowledge of this
young, beautiful religion. I
decided it was time.
I converted to Islam in May of
2004 at the age of 16.
I am a Muslim. That’s who I am
and that is my religion. My
religion has shaped my outlook
on life, my behavior, and my
perception and acceptance of
others. It’s very important to
me because it is a part of me
everyday, every moment. I pray
five times a day. I worship my
God the way He wants and not how
I want. I don’t think about Him
only on Sundays, Wednesdays, and
Fridays or when I am in trouble.
I think about Him all the time,
every day. It has made me more
accept the others and has given
me understanding. Islam has
shaped not only my beliefs, but
also my opinions, and my
actions.
Alhamdulillah. (All
praise is to God)
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